I think I’ve finally figured it out.
For months, I’ve been trying to come up with an apt metaphor to describe the current administration. Oh sure, there’s your usual stuff–arrogant, partisan, spendthrift, aloof–all of which is dead on the money, if a little pedestrian (hey, there’s another word that fits the bill!). But none of those terms really clue you in to how the country was sold a bill of goods during the last election, and how a sort of collective nuttiness took hold of otherwise sensible voters (Chris Buckley, anyone?) when they pulled the lever for the guy whose resume had less executive experience than the night manager at your corner KFC.
Then inspiration struck. Put simply, Barack Obama is Zima.
You remember Zima, don’t you? It’s the one night stand of adult beverages: lots of people have had one, but most won’t admit to it. And afterward, it’s hard to remember why you ever thought it was a good idea to try it. That pretty much sums up all those poor folks who only wanted hope and change–“zomething different,” as the slogan went–but instead ended up with that same stale hangover the morning after.
Now, I’ll admit to having a Zima or two back in the day–but when it counted, I went back to my old reliable buddy, the venerable beer. And even if it wasn’t my favorite brand, a bottle of suds always looked a sight better than that transparent fizzy stuff in the slick packaging.
Which basically describes how I felt about John McCain in 2008. Sure, I was more in the mood for a smooth Belgian ale (which is why I voted Romney in the primary)–but if at the end of the night all the bar had left was Falstaff in a can, I would be happy to have it. Because you know what? Falstaff does pretty well in a pinch, and at least you know what you’re drinking. Problem was, too many people saw that Zima sitting on the shelf and thought it looked interesting. Maybe it even tasted good at first. But the buzz wore off pretty fast, and with it went the charm. All that’s left is the bitter aftertaste, which won’t go away no matter how many Mentos we chew.
The good news is that we have the chance to put things right. So come November, make it a Sam Adams–or a Bud Light, or even one of the fancier craft brews if that’s your thing. We conservatives have a lot of good choices out there, and choosing is half the fun. Make the most of it!